Plastic Surgeon Follow Up July 17, 2025
My last follow up the surgeon asked me if I had been sexually active or had an orgasm. These questions have made me feel pressure to make both of those things happen. The pressure I don’t believe is from him, I believe it comes from myself. When I feel this way, I know that I need to go to the place where I can charge my energies. However the place where I feel my energies restored is an old abandoned World War II Fort. I used to go there prior to surgery and climbed to the highest point, but I fear that it is too soon for me to be able to climb those walls to get to the place where I can see far and wide. I’m having trouble focussing my energies on positive things as I feel that I’m a failure and I feel that I disposable. I’ve talked about this with friends and unfortunately, I cannot seem to shake this feeling. I know that I have come a very long way since the days of my suicidal ideation prior to having surgery, but there are still these moments in which I sit and feel that I just can’t get the darkness out. I know that I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself and that I believe is the hardest part. I don’t know I can’t differentiate between what is pressure or guidance from others and what I’m exacerbating and creating for myself. And while I’m in this fuck the things that I’m trying to do outside of myself i.e. Things I’m doing at work seem to keep piling up as I try to keep working. I still feel that I’m falling behind at work because of the two months. It is a lot of pressure by itself and I don’t enjoy added pressures from my personal life which seem to be bleeding into my professional life. I often say that I’m trying to deliberately choose joy, but this week it’s been extremely hard to get to the places and see where the joy lies underneath all of what’s going on. I know that that even the most joyful people have moments that are hard and I am no superhero, and this rule also applies to me. In this moment, I need to slow down and roll with punches and allow the hard moment to be there and understand that the joy that I can find might be in that I made it through a tough moment and I didn’t get in o the dark thoughts that happen. Such as just giving up or throwing in the towel or crumble to pieces. I know there are people that support me, but at times I feel that my problems are not worthy of their support because maybe they have a lot going on and I don’t want to contribute to what they’re going through.
I am also disappointed from my last follow up because I was expecting that my number of dilations was going to go down to once a day. I was also under the impression that if I was going up in size, then I was just going to keep the same number of dilation. Today however, the plastic surgeon wants me to continue multiple dilations a day and if I go up in size to add one meaning that I would go from two dilations a day to three, which is very hard for me to try and figure out how to schedule with work and social life. I know that dilation is very important to keep my healthy vagina, but it’s also very time consuming. I will continue to do whatever the doctor says, as I don’t want to mess up what’s going on down there. I want to make sure that I have the best postoperative results in the long run of life. I know that this is a temporary setback however, alongside of the pressure of stimulation and orgasm is a little bit much at this time for me.
Stories that are shared on this site are of my lived personal experiences.
There are stories of trauma, and transition.
Some might be hard to read, please read with caution.
These stories are being shared with love, so the other may know they are not alone.